Tuesday, June 19, 2012

A Hop of Faith

It isn't quite a leap and more than shuffle...a hop seems about right.

Some how time has been flying and I am already at 31 weeks. The potential of this baby actually coming home with us feels more real...even in spite of the multitude of reasons I know where things could go horribly wrong.

That being said, we have started to "prepare" as best we can. Even though my baby shower for William & Ethan was just hours before they were born we returned or donated all if the generous gifts we received. We have very little for this new baby which is not all bad. We hadn't even prepared the nursery for the twins but have had a crib in the attic from my sister in law this whole time. But we are ready to get ready and that means some purchasing had to happen.

A ordered a glider for the baby's room, the hubby ordered a car seat and today I made a few purchases for my hospital bag. Buying an outfit (or two) freaked me out the most. I gave tried to do this three times and left the store empty handed. Today I did it...I purchased two things for Speck. The kind of sad part is that I was able to actually go through with it because I could make the justification that live or die, my Speck will need an outfit. Such is the thought process of a baby-loss parent.

My two very good friends have little boys and have generously offered me bins of clothing and toys. I received 3 bins of mostly 12-24 month sized clothing but I am allowing it to be in the house. More is coming and I can't quite fully wrap my head around the fact that Speck will get to wear this stuff.

On a completely different note, today was my last day with students and tomorrow is my last staff day at school. The year has flown and I have been doing my best to prepare my classroom for my maternity leave sub. Not being there in the Fall to organize/put away my supplies freaks me out a little. Leaving my students and room in the hands of someone else is such a bizarre feeling. On one hand I am feeling a little OCD and worried. On the other hand I know that this is a great thing because I'll be home with our little guy once he gets here.

See...I am trying to believe this is going to work out ok. Little steps and hops of faith.


  1. I totally get that justification. But I am filled with hope and good feelings for you and Speck.