Was not going to go there...

Oh, but I have!

I wasn't going to plan much for Speck...only the necessities, not the nursery design, not a stroller, none of it until it was almost time for his arrival because I know all the things that could change and go horribly wrong before this is a real live take home baby.

Except that crazy thing called hope did more than creep back in after we found out it is a boy nestled in there. As a matter of fact hope came around and took over all logical sense that I had! I know have a Pinterest board for planning the Nursery, have pretty much decided on a stroller and contemplated a name or two.

I wasn't going to do this...it seemed like an impossibility. But now that I know my boys have a new brother I feel the incredible need to celebrate this pregnancy more than I have so far...I think I am finally connected to Speck in a way I hadn't been until now. This is real and as terrified as I am that something could go wrong, I have fallen head over heals for Speck.

He is mine and I am his Mom, no matter what may come in the next 19 weeks. I am in love, again, more than I thought I could be.

I wasn't going to let this much hope back in, but hope can be kind of pushy I guess. Just to show hope that I haven't lost my mind I will make plans, but I won't make any purchases any time soon. That full on investment can wait a bit longer!

On track...

This week, in the lead up to the "big" ultrasound (aka the anatomy scan), was a bit rough on the anxiety scale. I was thrown over the edge yesterday when the Hubby found out that he would not be able to join me. Ugh!

All said and done, the scan went very well with the exception of the Speck not changing positions to get a perfect view of the heart. The tech assured me things look fine, they just need measurements from a different angle to be 100% sure.

And there was very little doubt that this baby is most definitely a boy! More than once he was flaunting his goods...so much so that the tech couldn't help but chuckle.

It is such a huge relief to know that everything is looking good (baby is on track and cervix still crazy long) especially with the hormone induced emotions coupled with the anxiety of being a Babyloss Mama. I know this sense of relief will only last a short time, but it is so much better than the alternative.

I am a mother of three boys! Fingers crossed that this one gets to come home to live with us!

Halfway

20 Weeks...half way to a full term pregnancy. That is today's milestone and all I really want is to make it all the way to the end and bring home a living baby.

Last time I made it only to 23w6d...4 weeks past where I am today. That is a scary thought, but this time it's different. A singleton vs twin pregnancy will hopefully make a difference.

Next week is our anatomy scan...I am nervous about things being ok with the baby and ok with my cervix. I am excited about finding out the sex of the baby...we are big planners so not knowing would drive us batty! So I am trying to balance the nervousness with the excitement.

The motto is "so far so good" and here's hoping it stays that way!!!